Dubble Bubble

I know you know this cool little side-ball-cap wearing guy with the "thumbs up"! I know you know the amazingly powerful rush of sugar and goodness you receive from your first bite into this amazing gum! And I know you know the very enjoyable five minutes you get before your jaw locks up and you are forced to spit out this piece of gum! Right? I'm not the only one that has this experience with Dubble Bubble, right? LOL! I am being a bit facetious, but while hanging out with some friends tonight I had a conversation that has been my inspiration for this blog.

I have known some great "fire starters" in my life. You know these guys/girls... they walk up to a situation in need of a quick fire and they take two rocks and a couple sticks and begin what turns out to be something only Nero could dream of. My friend Neil is one of these guys, a college buddy proved himself to be quite useful in this area and tonight I met a guy who stepped up to the task and showed all of us hanging around the fire how a real fire is started. He huffed and be puffed and he got a HUGE fire going! It was spectacular! It was so brilliant that I had to take a few steps back just to take in the greatness of this fire (actually I got too hot and I began to sweat). Anyway, this fire was nice and big and served its purpose... SMORES!!!!

So, the sun dropped behind the edge of the earth and the fire started to dwindle and everyone around the fire was thinking that this bad boy needed to be stoked up a bit... so our host put in the last big piece of wood and it quickly took off. The night went on and the fire was almost gone again, so Shane (our host) grabbed some smaller pieces of wood (fire starting pieces) so we could have more fire. After about five minutes of brightness, he found himself dipping back into the bag to do this again, and again and again and... well, you get the point. After this routine happened a couple more times, I made the comment, "Shane, those pieces of pinewood (assuming they were pine by the intense smell of pine that we smelt the moment they hit the fire) are like Dubble Bubble. They are good for five minutes and then you got to put another piece in." There was a little laughter, but it got me thinking, so I said, "its kind of like for some relationships too huh? Good for about five minutes and then over." There was more laughter, but sadly to say this is true, isn't it?

We meet people everyday. I've met a ton of people in my life and I have liked the majority of them. But sometimes I find myself going all out in the beginning and making a huge impact and then slowly fade away. Or maybe not even relationships, what about all those "New Year's" resolutions? I don't know how many times I've started a year off in the gym and then fade away. There are so many different things in my life that I started and then, like Dubble Bubble, fade away and I throw out. I can't even tell you how many times I went to Summer Hills church camp, got all excited about serving Jesus, threw out my "worldly" music only to repurchase it a couple months later.

Tonight got me thinking a lot about my life and the bad habit I have of starting something with all my passion and zeal and then topping over and ending it. I don't do this with everything, but enough to get me thinking.

What about you? Have you seen yourself treat things in life like Dubble Bubble?

Moved to tears

This morning I was moved to tears.

When you look at this picture you might think that I was moved to tears when a 21'' long, 8lb 2oz baby was born to Julie and me @ 1:50pm yesterday, Friday, March 25, 2011, but those tears were yesterday. I held my son in my arms and wept to myself. When no one was in the room I teared up and softly spoke to my son. I said, "hi, I'm your daddy and I will love you forever and ever!"

I could also be talking about when new mommy Julie fed Benjamin Nathaniel Gurulé for the first time. Those tears were hidden and yesterday as I stood behind her watching them connect for the first time. Julie held him in her arms and guided his mouth to the food supply and spoke softly into his little soft ears and said, "hi, I'm your mommy and I will love you forever and ever!"

These tears could also have been the tears I had when so many people (family & friends) came in to show their support and love. Those tears were also yesterday as they all took their turns at holding Benji, Benny Bean, Ben and somehow introducing themselves to him with their gentle hold and gaze into his face saying, "hi, I'm ____ and I will love you forever and ever!"

Those were all very special moments and all brought me to tears, but the tears I had this morning were brought by... ...

"Come in," I said to the knocks at the door.

"House keeping", a voice came in and continued, "can I come in?"

I replied, "yes, please, come in!" I continued posting pictures and reading posts on my facebook page when a tall, big boned African-American woman entered our room. Benjamin was sleeping in his little bed and Julie was putting on the finishing touches in preparing herself for a day of visitors. This woman began talking to Benji so I perched up to observe this interaction.

"Hi beautiful! You are so good looking aren't you?" Then she turned to Julie and spoke encouragement to her, "Is this your first?"

Julie answered, "yes".

"Oh, I have two kids and I remember it so well. They are..." as she continued talking to Julie I directed my attention to the computer, because I received a new post alert on facebook. When I was done I looked up and she was smiling, pulling full trash bags and replacing them. She was cleaning the bathroom and dusting and sweeping/mopping the floor. I know it was her job, but then she looked up and said, "is there anything I can get for you three?" It wasn't her job to serve us in this capacity. Her job was to clean our room.

Julie said, "umm, I don't know if we should just ask the nurse or you, but can we get some fresh towels and wash clothes?"

"Oh, I will get it. I will be happy to get that for you." She left the room and came back in and then made sure there wasn't anything else we needed, by asking again, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

I said, "No, thank you for being so kind to us and tending to us."

"Not a problem. I have always tried to be kind to others knowing that I want others to be kind to me." She continued, "Who knows if one day you'll be stranded, and I see you, I could help you. We should all treat each other the way we want to be treated."

"Well, thank you so much."

And with that she walked out and I was moved to tears. That truth came from Jesus' own mouth through a random woman to me. This wasn't some monumental moment, but it was Jesus' soft voice in a very exciting and busy moment in my life saying, "Hi, I'm your daddy and I will love you forever and ever!"

Road Trip 2010 (part 2)

Thursday, July 15

We concluded a great time in Venice, Florida with breakfast and goodbyes to Grandpa and Sharon. We got on the road again with Chattanooga on our mind (wait, that's Georgia huh?, well we'll be close enough... read on and see what I mean).

As we left Florida I got to thinking about my attitude toward this Orange State and I must say, I have reconsidered my position. I thought it would be too hot and it wasn't unbearable and in fact when I was on the beach there was always a nice little breeze.

Then there is the attitude toward the actual beach and the sand. Okay, so while I was on my bromantic date with Praveen (see Road Trip 2010 part 1, Sunday, July11) we actually walked up to this bridge that took us from outside-concert-pavilion-concrete area to the beach. I stopped and took in the scene and thought to myself, "self, this is the first time you will have seen the beach in some time, are you ready for this journey?" Praveen was unaware of my talk with myself and continued over the bridge, so I followed. I stopped before getting to the sand and told him the I wanted to take a picture of what I was looking at. I took several pictures and meshed them together to give you an idea of what I saw.

Not bad for a camera phone huh? So there I am viewing this and thought to myself, "self, its time to take the step into the sand." So, I did. One step off the bridge, then two then three and before I knew it I was almost to the water. I thought, "this is great, I have really overcome something big!" Praveen then took his flip flops off and continued walking...

Okay, so here is when I stopped talking to myself and started trying to prove that I really didn't have an issue with sand (I mean come on... it's sand!). I stepped out of my flip flops and began the progression toward the water. Sure enough, before I knew it I was standing in the water at Jacksonville Beach. I started looking around for seashells and realized that I was actually enjoying

myself. The water began to rise and that was my cue to begin the walk backwards. Praveen stayed put, but I inched my way back to my flip flops. When we got to them, he picked his up and walked further back, put them down and walked back to the water. I was freaking out! I didn't show my anxiety, because I didn't want my new friend to think I wasn't enjoying the talk we were engrossed in, but I wanted my flip flops back on... I resisted the temptation and put my pair with his. We did this two more times before the talk came to a close. The girls approached and so we put our flip flops on and welcomed our ladies. Julie looked at me and said, "if I didn't know any better I would say you are enjoying yourself on the beach." I just smiled. My attitude has definitely changed when it comes to vacationing in Florida because of these couple little moments... thanks Praveen and thanks Julie, for pushing me past my limits. :) Well, now that the Florida part of our trip was done it was now time to head north.

As our drive got going, Julie had a fantastic idea. She said, "Hey, why don't we put the iPod on all music shuffle and see how far we get." I loved this idea, because we have a ton of music and we rarely listen to any of it, so we began the music. I personally think that this "great" idea blossomed from a fear that my podcast (talk radio stuff) was going to be played the whole way, but I could be wrong. LOL!! So the first song comes on... any guesses? LOL... something I put on there for Ava... the Wiggles! We just looked at each other and laughed and then skipped on ahead.

I think road trips are all about the journey and not just about the location we're trying to get to, so Julie and I allowed ourselves spontaneity. So, from Florida to Georgia to Chattanooga, Tennessee! We stopped in Georgia for some peaches, because I wanted to taste them and boy were they amazing!

Food note: these peaches were juicy and sweet! We also got key-lime salt-water taffy and key-lime coconut chocolate treats (so, so very tasty!). We also ate dinner at Chick-fil-A, because we were in Georgia, I mean come on, where else would one eat when in the birth place of the greatest chicken fast food spot.

Julie and I arrive in such great spirits, because we really had fun talking and listening to music, laughing and bonding! We took our time making stops whenever we wanted to and got in a little later than we thought, but Grandma and Jim were still up anticipating our arrival (they love the night life!).

We unloading the Escape and had the grand-house tour and then sat down and enjoyed some really great conversation. It was my first time meeting the both of them, so I really enjoyed getting to know these very important people. Time escaped us, because we all were truly enjoying each other, but when we realized what time it was we all decided to get to bed.

Friday, July 16

After a great night of sleep, we woke up refreshed and much later than we expected. Breakfast was waiting for us and coffee was waiting for me! Mmm, mmm good! The conversations picked right up where we left them from the night before!

Food note: We had a great fruit medley, bagels and cinnamon toast! You have got to love the carb count!

We all hopped into the car and took a tour around this very interesting community. This 500+ housing community has a golf course in the heart of it, but that's not why it is so interesting. This neighborhood is interesting because it is both in Georgia and in Tennessee. The golf course has holes that are in Tennessee and some in Georgia. They have this tennis court smack-dab on the line; one half is decked out with Tennessee colleges and the other side with Georgia. I stood on the line and took this picture! It was a pretty cool moment... I just stood there for a moment and thought maybe you all could just stand here with me for a moment too.

Okay, moving right along!

We drove around and looked at beautiful look-out points and some really big houses in the area and then Jim asked Julie if she's ever been to Lookout Mountain and she said, no, but she always wanted to, so that is exactly where we drove to.

Because we wanted to do so much in this one day we all decided on eating an early lunch. At the base of this mountain, we drove around looking for somewhere to eat when Jim said that barbecue sounded good, so we looked for that. There was nothing around and we were getting closer to our spot. Jim said, "hey there is a KFC... how about that?" I'll be honest, when I am on vacation, I prefer eating at places that are not in my home town, but the pickings were slim and we were two lights from having to go up the mountain. Julie then saw this sign that read "Bar-B-Que Here" and pointed it out! We got excited and turned around, but at this very crucial moment we saw that it was at a place called Soup Bowl so we looked around one last time! The timing was amazing... Grandma, Jim, Julie and me all saw Sweeney's Pit Bar-B-Q at the same time... and there was much rejoicing!

Food note: The barbecue was really good, but the best part of this meal was the fried okra... wow, its been such a long time since I've had really good fried okra! So tasty! I enjoyed every single piece!

After lunch we headed up Lookout Mountain.

We walked around this old battleground and enjoyed learning about the history of this site. It was a very beautiful overlook too, so much green!

We really wanted to take a picture of us and this sign behind us, so we parked in a "no parking" spot and ran over, had an employee take the picture and then ran back to the car... LOL... so much fun!

We then met up with Uncle John, Aunt Connie and their son, Josh for a little boat ride! We (Jim, grandma and the rest of the crew) all got into the boat and began the trip to our dinner spot. The pontoon ride was enjoyable until the "warning" buzzer started buzzing! There was a feeling that things might not go so well and the stress kicked in, along with the fact that most of the people on the boat were hungry!

After a few restarts, the pontoon was good to go and we arrived to our spot, but that is when the waiting began ... (tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock) we waited... (tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock) and we waited some more. After waiting for about 45min (and a scare that we might get rained on when we head back to our vehicles via pontoon) the decision was made to take the trip back to the cars and to eat somewhere else. It never rained, but we did eventually get dinner at some Mexico spot!

Food note: the chips and salsa were amazing (hot!), followed by the Grande Meal (taco, tamale, tostada, burrito, enchilada, chile relleno, rice and beans)... that was a ton of food and I almost knocked the whole thing off! My eyes doubled up when they brought the two plate meal... it was a good laugh, until the ride home... hee hee hee!

After another enjoyable evening of conversation the day came to a close.

Saturday, July 17

Oh, the sleeping in was so nice! We slowly began the day which was thoroughly enjoyable, until we realized that Uncle John and his daughter Whitney had come to visit with us. Even worse yet, they had been waiting downstairs for a while... the rush began (play "rush" music in your head, from like a black & white silent film). We walked downstairs and enjoyed breakfast with everyone. It was a great time of fellowship and relationship building!

Sadly to say, it was time to say goodbye. We packed up our vehicle and headed home. Now, again, I believe that the vacation starts when we pull out of the driveway and is finished when we pull back in, so in my opinion and to Julie's greater need for spontaneity the vacation wasn't quite yet over. We drove and got that picture that I wrote about already (scroll up) after we made a quick stop at Krystals (yum yum yum).

Food note: Okay, here is the deal, I have always wanted to try Krystal burgers since I thoroughly enjoy White Castle and those two places are often compared. Honesty is the best policy... I like the White Castle burger better, but only because after eating it one can cause pain and agony to those in his/her vicinity. No, I'm just kidding, I really like their burgers. And I really like the spicy mustard that White Castle provides, but the Krystal burger was very good!

"On the road again - just can't wait to get on the road again. The life I love is listening to music with my friends - and I can't wait to get on the road again. On the road again - Goin' places that I've never been. Seein' things that I may never see again - and I can't wait to get on the road again." We had the listening to music part down... time for the place we may never see again... a winery that we saw a billboard for and just stopped at. It was a really nice stop! Totally enjoyed ourselves eating cheese and trying wine, although I had to limit myself, since I was the driver. Then we went to a place the Julie has never been, but always wanted to visit... Nashville, TN!

We parked and started enjoying the main downtown strip where country music blared from every bar and hokey tourist shops declared that "the King" is still alive! Julie was in country music heaven and soaked it all in! We ate at the infamous Jake's Bar-B-Que which rocked our world!

Food note: I've eaten at Jake's before and let me tell you... There is only one other place that is better than Jake's. The beef brisket and sausage oozed with fat and the juices that God provided to them! There were seven different sauces to use and the sides were Deeeeee-licious! I was in food heaven, oh and Julie really enjoyed it too!

We walked in and out of bars to listen to the different upcoming artists and purchased our "location" magnet. We had a fantastic time together! Our vacation and road trip now had one last stop... home!

We listened to music, we talked about how much fun we had and we both got to rest our eyes a bit. We talked about dreams and our future and we laughed at the little inside jokes that we will now be able to share. We skipped songs that neither one of us wanted to hear and enjoyed the ones that we really liked. I have taken several road trips, but none as enjoyable as this one.

Julie taught me so much about myself on this trip and I can truly say that I am ending this trip at a better place in my life than when I started it. I was stretched and tested and shown new and amazing things and I have a deeper appreciation for my wife. Julie, you are an amazing person and I love you so very much!

Road Trip 2010 (part 1)

“Really? Florida? I get to go on vacation and you say Florida? Does your sister want to go? Any friends want to spend a week with you in Florida? I don’t do well in the humidity and the beaches aren’t my favorite place… I mean, what’s up with all that sand? Does it really have to be so sticky to the body?” I was full of excuses and complaining before this vacation started and I was wrong for doing it. Julie wanted to see her good friend Megan and Praveen, her grandfather, Bud and Sharon and a lot of other family too, and all she got from her “best-friend”, “helpmate”, “supporter” and husband was argument after argument… quite tetchy! Probably has something to do with my sign, but more to do with “self”.

As launch date got closer, the squabbling lessened and the mood shifted and there was a little more excitement and anticipation; although I still had the childhood memories of disliking the beach still in my head.

Friday, July 9

I got off work and gave the Torbecks hugs and kisses and handshakes with a good squeeze and Neil and I did a bro-hug. I got into my vehicle and drove out of the neighborhood toward the local Speedway gas station (I’ve been influenced by a good friend and all the media to choose other stations than BP) and noticed that I was a little sad. I analyzed these feelings and discovered that I was truly going to miss work, because work seems more like family and I have come to love everyone I work around. But, because guys don’t cry too easily I took a deep breath and released and filled up the Ford Escape ’09 with gasoline.

On my way home I ran a couple errands and by the time I actually got home it was about 11:30p, so I did a couple things around the house and got a quick snack and then hopped into bed (12:30a).

Saturday, July 10

On the road by 4:10a... Heck ya! I got enough sleep to start the trip and Julie, well, Julie enjoyed getting to sleep. She had a ton to do around the house to prep for our return and finish her packing, so she decided that she would just stay awake until we left and I slept so that I could drive.

It was a great start... you've got to love driving for three hours and ending up in your fourth state! Indiana to Ohio, back to Indiana and then Kentucky! The sun came up and was, oh so beautiful!

The drive continued and from Kentucky to Tennessee and then through a tad bit of North Carolina! I got super excited to go through this state, and just enough to make me want to return (if you know me you'll know that I am a UNC fan!). Then we went through South Carolina and then Georgia (if you're counting that is 7 states in about 12 hours). Now, the trip should have taken so much faster, but we lost an hour and a half in traffic, but finally ended up in our 8th state and final stop for the day... Jacksonville, Florida!

Julie has had a faithful, wonderful, encouraging and fantastic friend since college that we decided to visit. So when we walked into this house there was much rejoicing! Hugs all around! Much clatter! It was an exciting atmosphere, but not because we were there (gotcha!), but rather because they had invited a few friends over for a game night. It was so neat to meet all these new people! There was Tom, Dick and Harry. Thelma and Louise and oh, what about Bob! (2 1991 movie references in 1 sentence... I'm good!) No, but seriously, there were quite a few people all hosted by the infamous, Darius... not Rucker, but Motiwalla and Megan and Praveen (the burger master).

Food note: Randomly I am going to break in the blog to bring you a food note. These are notes about food. :) The patties were formed and sauteed onions (sauteed in bacon grease and butter), bacon and cheese were placed inside the patties and then grilled on a George Forman! Can we say... WOW!!!!!

There was great conversation, fun conversation, interesting conversation, rated-M conversation and put-the-kids-to-bed conversation... what a fun night! Thanks to all who contributed... it was so nice to meet you all!

Sunday, July 11

Slept in! Zzzz... heck ya!

After a cup of coffee, and a couple eggs on toast (Thank you Megan)...

Food note: These eggs were over-easy and made to perfection. You know when you want runny eggs, but they are in the in between stage, these were not that... these were perfect!

... Praveen and I left our ladies back at home and went to the beach (I know, doesn't sound right... too much like a bromance right? Well, keep reading). This was a wonderful time filled with great conversation, laughs and free counseling! :) We drove up into a parking lot which had a sign "parking $5" and checked our pockets for cash (no credit or checks accepted). We had no cash, so a frenzy began in search of coinage! LOL! Between the coins in my vehicle and in Praveen's pockets we came up with $4.98! After looking at each other for the last two pennies I realized it was time for me to put on the charm. I turned around and with those eyes only a Dominican can give I said, "oh, we're two pennies off, can we bring it back to you?" This mammoth of a woman just stood there as if she was guarding the President of America when this other lady jumped from behind her and said, "how much are you short?" I said, "Two pennies" and then she said, "oh, just go ahead, I'll take care of it". "Oh, thank you", I said and drove off. After parking we walked around and finally found the restaurant/bar, Sneakers, that we parked right next to... LOL!

Now, here is why we left the girls, because we watched the final match of the World Cup at Sneakers and had to stand the whole time! It was amazing! The atmosphere was perfect for such an event! Flags of Spain were waiving in the air as people were chanting for their team. Every time something happened the crowds went crazy and when Spain finally scored, in the extra time, the place just erupted with an amount of elation that can only happen in an atmosphere like this. There were trains of people going throughout Sneakers, people throwing each other up for joy and Spanish music blaring from the corner of the room! I am telling you, if you have never experienced anything like this before, I highly suggest it! So much fun!

We then met up with the girls and walked the beach a little bit and then ate dinner (no food note because the food wasn't as good as the lady hyped it up to be). We walked the Pier and enjoyed the beauty of God's creation... just for us for that moment. :)

Monday, July 12

We woke up and said our goodbyes and headed toward Venice, FL. We decided to stop in St. Augustine for a few hours and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

There was so much to do and see; so much history! We saw the oldest town in Florida and all of the US, the fort that so many people fought in and around, the old Spanish city and Julie even took a picture with a real Spaniard... shhhhh... she thinks it was a pirate. We enjoyed each other and the atmosphere and I bought some cigars and smoked one as we walked around. It was a wonderful spontaneous stop in our road trip.

Food note: We shared a Key Lime ice cream waffle cone and ate at this wonderful pizza place. We shared this chicken stuffed thing and a slice of lasagna pizza... such a great stop!

We took several pictures before it started raining! We hustled up to our vehicle and continued our road trip.

We drove to Venice, FL where we were welcomed by two of the sweetest people anyone will ever meet! We were taken out to eat at a little hole-in-the-wall fish restaurant where I ate some wonderful shrimp!

Food note: These shrimp weren't covered by oil, but rather by coconut and batter. They were dipped into a wonderful orange sauce! So tasty! I also had some lobster bisque which was amazing!

We then were taken to the Venice Beach to see the sun set... another amazing spectacle.

Tuesday, July 13

Another wonderful day of relaxation... we slept in, were fed a wonderful breakfast, swam in the pool, played Rummikub, ate a fantastic dinner and swam more and then watched the All Star baseball game. It was a wonderful day!

Wednesday, July 14

This was beach day! We woke up, had another great breakfast and were scooted off to the beach. We saw two different beaches and we got a lot of sun (Julie baked pretty bad... ouchy)! The beach isn't as bad as I remember, I think I will owe that to the great breeze and the not-so humid days. :)

We got back, had another amazing dinner and got out to see the sun set again!

What a wonderful way to end our time in Venice, FL! Thank you God!

Food note: Sharon cooked four meals for us and they were all wonderful! First it was eggs, bacon, biscuits and cantaloupe. Then it was an amazing pork tenderloin with wonderful sides! Another fantastic breakfast of eggs, waffles, sausage and bacon followed by a fantastic dinner of fish with a peach/mango sauce and a wonderful salad and baked potato! Amazing food! Before coming to Florida I thought I didn't enjoy sea food, but I'm leaving knowing that there is seafood that I truly enjoy! Thank you Sharon, the food was amazingly wonderful!

Bittersweet

"danny"... "Danny"... "Danny!"... "DANIEL!!"... "DANIEIL ROBERT GURULE!!!!!"

With a sudden and rather urgent turn of my head I see my wife standing there with an agitated look on her face.

"Danny (Note: my name is Daniel, but those closest to me can call me Dan, Danny or Daniel and only two people can use my whole name all together in the tone indicated above... my wife and my mother) I've been calling you for a couple minutes. What are you thinking about babe?"

Julie's words jogged me out of what could have been categorized as navel-gazing, "Wow, I am so sorry Jules (Note: only those closest to her get to call her this... hee hee hee). I was in deep deep thought."

"Ya, that's pretty obvious. What were you thinking about?"

"Oh, just how most of the life-changing things that have happened to me can be considered bittersweet."



I looked up the word bittersweet on wiktionary and a dictionary and found that the word actually means (adj) 1: both bitter and sweet 2: expressing contrasting emotions of pain (or regret) and pleasure (n) 1: a climbing or trailing plant, Solanum Dulcamara, having small, violet, star-shaped flowers with a protruding yellow center and scarlet berries 2: any climbing plant of the genus Celastrus, bearing orange capsules opening to expose red-coated seeds 3: A poisonous climbing or trailing plant (Solanum dulcamara) native to Eurasia and a widespread weed in North America, having violet flowers with recurved corolla lobes and red berries. Also called bittersweet, deadly nightshade

Bittersweet is defined as both bitter and sweet so, in my humble opinion, an experience that holds both bitter/regretful /painful feelings and also sweet/good/joyful feelings can be bittersweet experience/moment in one's life.

After much contemplation I have thought of several moments in my life that can be considered bittersweet moments; moments that were terribly bitter (full of regret and pain) and yet ended up having really good outcomes. How was this possible? What made these moments, per se, bittersweet?

I remember that heart crushing 4 o'clock moment that came after a long week of brand new classes at New Mexico State University. I found myself coming home to relax and escape the best way I knew how, by playing Age of Empires 2. I played for several hours and slowly found my eyes not being able to keep up with my will, so I had to call it a night. I fell asleep pretty quick, but what seemed to be just a few moments later, was woken up by a knock at my door. My roommate told me that my dad was on the phone. He handed me the phone and then left the room.

"hello"
"Hey son, I need you to sit down. Son, your brother was found dead tonight..."

The monologue continued but my life seemed to be on pause for some time. I then remember hanging up and throwing myself to the ground with loud weeping. Not crying, but weeping! My best friend, and roommate at the time, came in and asked if he could do anything, but I don't think he ever got an answer. Almost everything but the pain seems blurry and there you find the bitter. It seems a little odd that I would actually view this as a bittersweet moment, because death is rarely defined as sweet. But at my brother's funeral many people heard the story of Jesus' saving grace and went on to make decisions to be followers of the Way. My family and other families grew closer together and a lot of people have grown personally, spiritually and emotionally, because of that bittersweet moment.

Then there have been the many bitter moments of friends lost, because of foolish things I've done or because life just took us separate ways. But after the sting and hurt fades I find sweet dependence on Jesus as my True Friend. I also find myself making new friends and building existing friendships even stronger. It is one of those bittersweet moments most people go through.

Again, this is my opinion and my opinion alone, but I feel that the "bad" moments that affect us a little and/or greatly are all bittersweet. They can be bitter alone, but they can also be sweet; it is what we do in those moments that decide. The 3rd definition of bittersweet, as a noun, is that of a poisonous plant and if we only become bitter and angry and resentful and stay there then the moment, trial, struggle, relationship or whatever it is, will only be bitter and poisonous and we will eventually die a bitter person! Who we are as a person will die to anything good and nothing sweet will penetrate our lives. There will be people who will try to bless us or situations that are positive will happen to us, but because bitterness has poisoned our hearts there will be nothing sweet about it. Until we find the sweet from the bitter can we free ourselves past the death and into life! And only with Jesus' help can we find such healing power.

Have you found yourself struggling to make a bitter moment sweet?

I find myself at this point... very very bitter!

The Natural-Frustrating-Reality of Change

Change. Change? CHANGE!!!!

This word change is full of meaning

"Umm, is that what you're wearing tonight? Would you mind changing?"

"Do you have any change? Please, any change will help!"

"Peeeewwweeeeee! Oh my goodness Honey, we've got to change that diaper!"

"We've got to change the gauze because there is puss growing out of it."

"Change those shoes please. We can only use bowling shoes."

"Vote Obama! We want change!"

"Two snaps in a circle girlfriend, you'd better change that attitude!"

"And kids, these seeds will change into plump red tomatoes"

"Wow, your hair looks great! Did you change something?"

"I noticed you changed your status on facebook... who's the lucky guy?"

"I love living in Indiana! The changing of the seasons is a wonderful thing to experience."

"Sir, those tires are going to have to be changed pretty soon, I can't see much tread left."

"Okay, so those two light bulbs flickering will need to be changed out."

"... and Optimus Prime changes into a Semi-Truck."

"If you change the background it might make the picture pop a little bit more."

"Are you serious, Brett Favre changed his mind again?"

"It's time to change jobs and change locations."

"Girl, that group of friends are changing you... you've got to change the circle you hang out with."

"One must change his/her eating habits and daily routine to truly change weight loss."

And trust me, I could continue for pages and pages of examples where change happens. Change is something that impacts us personally, privately, socially, economically, passionately, willingly, unwillingly, and so many other ways. I have heard people say that they hate change, but the natural-frustrating-reality is... change happens whether we like it or not.

I had a best friend in middle school and high school and thought that this relationship would never change, but the natural-frustrating-reality was, it did. We began to grow further and further emotionally, until one day it just wasn't worth the effort it took to maintain it and so it just faded to nothing.

In dating relationships the guy or girl will put his or her best foot forward, so to speak, but then as the couple get comfortable with each other one or both of them will start to really show his/her true short comings and then the natural-frustrating-reality kicks in... things begin to change. One, or both of them begin to decide if the changes are worth the reward and thus a stronger relationship builds or a break-up happens.

The economy took a huge hit and a ton of financial situations changed. The natural-frustrating-reality of jobs lost, houses foreclosed and families separated for a period of time took place.

When my brother passed away in 1998 my family was faced with a natural-frustrating-reality... he was gone.

The natural-frustrating-reality hits us every single day! Someone else gets that promotion and you get laid off! Her last name changes and you are still left alone! Some type of change happens and it is natural, frustrating and reality... So, what are you going to do?

Every single one of us has the choice to either react or respond to the natural-frustrating-reality of change. I could have become angry with God and become bitter when my brother passed away, but I didn't, I accepted the change of not having my brother and grew closer to those who were around me.After I realized that my best friend and I were not going to communicate anymore I thanked God for the good times we did have (note: w/o Anthony, I wouldn't have gotten through the most difficult stage of my life... adolescence) and have a joyful heart when I think of him.

If one decides to respond to change he/she has the potential to grow as a person, to build his/her character and to make change a beautiful thing. On the other hand if a person chooses to react to change then he/she misses out on the great things that can come afterward and falls to jealousy, envy, bitterness, anger and ultimately distruction. It is a choice that will change you, because you cannot change the natural-frustrating-reality of change itself.

It is your choice alone! No one else can make this decision for you! So, how will you handle the changes?

Pound-Cake

I come from a family of five kids (two boys and three girls). There was Nathan, the oldest of all of us and the oldest boy, then there was me, Lavel, who was the first girl, then Lara and finally Leah, the baby. We are all very close in age, which proved to be a wonderful thing while playing on our off time from school.

Nathan and I would play with the little green army men, GI-Joe action figures, Transformers, Hot Wheel cars and sticks which were really guns, swords and other types of weapons. Lavel and Lara would play with Barbie dolls along with the mansion, cars and other gadgets that come with them, My Little Pony horses, Cabbage Patch baby dolls, Strawberry Shortcake and Care Bear characters and they would also dress up like princesses and fun characters like Pippi Longstocking. And then there was Leah who walked around watching all of us play with our toys while she was holding her one and only cherished teddy koala bear who was named Pound-Cake.

This little trip down reminiscent lane had me chuckling to myself. I don't think I have ever seen anybody cling to a certain toy for as long as Leah did Pound-Cake. It seemed that she loved this koala more than any other single item in all of the world. It was cute, soft, cuddly and flat! I think obsession is a good word to envelop the relationship between Leah and her best friend. There are probably good reasons why she was so affixed to this little stuffed furry animal, but at the time, I definitely did not get it, because there were times, which I am now not proud of, that I would abuse this little fantasy creature.

Leah was adorable, cute, the baby of the family but at times very, very, very disruptive to the world that Nathan and I would sometimes find ourselves in. She would come around and begin to talk to us and ask us a thousand questions (or at least it seemed that way). This wonderful little bucket of joy (Leah), would begin to ask so many questions that the fun, exciting, battlefront would have to come to a halt so that the eldest brother could do what his role called upon him to do and answer these irritating little questions. My patience was nothing in comparison to my brothers, so when I hit tilt, I would grab this stuffed animal from Leah's hands and run from the vicinity. She would chase after me, just as I planned it, and find me taking a fist to Pound-Cakes adorable little face. I would jump on it, punch it, throw it against a wall, throw it at a moving ceiling fan and elbow-drop it until Leah was crying uncontrollably (I think this is where the koala got its name "Pound-cake" from... LOL). Now, before you think I am the worst person in the world, please remember, to me, this was getting her away from the intimate time Nathan and I were sharing. Anyway, this activity would draw out until Nathan would, once again step up as the BIG brother, and begin to pound on me! NOT FUN NOW! Leah would get her precious little friend back and run off to console it.

This little trip down reminiscent lane turned into some deeper thought. I don't think I have ever seen anybody cling to a certain person for as long as Jesus has me. It seems that He loved this human more than any other single thing in all of His creation. I am perfectly crafted, wonderfully made and a sinner! I think obsession is a good word to envelop the relationship between God and His child. There are probably good reasons why He is so affixed to this mess of a person, but at this time, I definitely don't get it, because there are times, which I am not proud of, that I abuse this extraordinary creation I call me.

And after the enemy, the world and even myself "pound" me, He picks me up from the ground and consoles me, because I'm His Pound-Cake.