The other day I was sitting with a student in his art class, we'll call him Robert. The art teacher comes up to him and places a bowl of water and a row of water colors and a brush. If you have ever messed around with water colors you will know that these things are so much fun! They are beautiful when they are all separated and even more beautiful when put on paper in the form of a picture. I don't remember ever really bringing forth anything of beauty using water colors, but I've seen some pretty amazing pictures done in this form of art. So, Robert, who has autism, just looks at this blank piece of paper and then the colors and then water and does nothing. So, I take the brush out of the water and place it in the first color, which is purple, and then hand-over-hand we brush the blank piece of paper. Again, we take the brush to the water, the next color and then the paper and once again, another beautiful color! This continues until all eight of the colors were used. The painting looks pretty normal, kind of like a splattered rainbow. Then the brush is fully handed over to Robert and he dips it into the water and then a color (I think it was orange) and then he painted over the other colors. Now, to me this just messed things up... it was no longer this pretty display of colors, now there was the streak across the top of them. Then he did it again and again and again and continued mixing all the colors until the picture was this horrible color... a darkish grey!
Then I started thinking about this picture of grey and started thinking about my life and the choices I've made. I remember when my choices painted this really beautiful picture, so beautiful that most people commented on how wonderful it was. I heard from my father, "Dan, (BTW, there are only two people who can call me Dan and both of their name's are Fred) I'm so proud of you." From other people I heard, "you are such a great leader... keep it up." And even from others I heard, "you are such a good role model." The list was long and the painting was just beautiful. Then something happened... I made a decision that didn't quite go with the painting, in fact it didn't belong! It was a streak across the top. It didn't look too bad and it was kind of faint, but I knew it was there. As time went on I started making more choices that conflicted with what the painting was supposed to be and the colors began to mix and without really knowing what was happening I woke up to a very grey picture of life! In hind site I know exactly what happened, but in that moment I just saw grey.
The pride of life, the haughty eyes and the lust of the flesh took over my life and instead of rejecting these things I slowly added them to my picture. God gave me this wonderful canvas of life and instead of using his colors I mixed it with the colors of sin. My painting became so confusing and so grey that I didn't know what was truth and what was a lie. I was angry, afraid, lost and totally selfish and the only way I knew how to fix it was to put more colors on and the more I did the worse the painting got.
Then I thought about a few lines from a song a philosopher of our day, Dave Matthews, wrote called Grey Street which explains this moment in life. Dave wrote...
Then I started thinking about this picture of grey and started thinking about my life and the choices I've made. I remember when my choices painted this really beautiful picture, so beautiful that most people commented on how wonderful it was. I heard from my father, "Dan, (BTW, there are only two people who can call me Dan and both of their name's are Fred) I'm so proud of you." From other people I heard, "you are such a great leader... keep it up." And even from others I heard, "you are such a good role model." The list was long and the painting was just beautiful. Then something happened... I made a decision that didn't quite go with the painting, in fact it didn't belong! It was a streak across the top. It didn't look too bad and it was kind of faint, but I knew it was there. As time went on I started making more choices that conflicted with what the painting was supposed to be and the colors began to mix and without really knowing what was happening I woke up to a very grey picture of life! In hind site I know exactly what happened, but in that moment I just saw grey.
The pride of life, the haughty eyes and the lust of the flesh took over my life and instead of rejecting these things I slowly added them to my picture. God gave me this wonderful canvas of life and instead of using his colors I mixed it with the colors of sin. My painting became so confusing and so grey that I didn't know what was truth and what was a lie. I was angry, afraid, lost and totally selfish and the only way I knew how to fix it was to put more colors on and the more I did the worse the painting got.
Then I thought about a few lines from a song a philosopher of our day, Dave Matthews, wrote called Grey Street which explains this moment in life. Dave wrote...
--
There’s an emptiness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
It’s more like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together - to grey
--
So there I am with this painting all faded to grey and one of my favorite songs by Jars of Clay comes to mind, which says...
--
It's not hard to know what you're thinking
When you look down on me now
Your trance of love is seeking
To turn this world around
But in my state of blind confusion
No God can pull me out
I see your love is willing
To turn me inside out
And then I see you there
The lonely tears I cry
I wish they'd release me
It's in despair that I find faith
Summon the night to bow down to day
When ignorance is bliss
Save me from myself
And then I see You there
With Your arms open wide and You try to embrace me
These lonely tears I cry
They keep me in chains and I wish they'd release me
Cold is the night but
Colder still is the heart made of stone, turned from clay
And if you follow me
You'll see all the black, all the white fade to grey
Fade to grey
Fade to grey
--
And then I thanked the Lord for what happened next... the teacher walked over to Robert and placed a clean, spotless, non-jaded canvas in front of him
