One of the most difficult things in life, for me, is being separated from my daughter, but because of divorce, this reality has become inevitable. I hate the fact that I made a decision in life that has caused such anguish and pain, to many people, but life goes on and I have learned to make the most of it. Ava's mother and I have tried really hard to now make every encounter we have a good one, because Ava's well being is the most important issue for both of us and we believe that in doing this it will be really good for our daughter. Well, in doing this I believe that Ava's time with daddy is very important, as does her mother.
Ava and I see each other every other weekend and I get a date night once a week, with my little angel... this is the single most anticipated event in my whole week! I thoroughly enjoy picking up my daughter and taking her out to a park, or Chick-fil-A, or the Mall, or a playground, or to a movie or even the library. You know the feeling you get when you wake up on your birthday morning and you know that this day has something special in store for you or Christmas Eve when you know that in the morning you're going to wake up and something amazing is going to happen? Well, that is how I feel whenever I get up in the morning on the day that I am going to pick Ava up for our date night. Okay, so I had to share all of that so that you could understand the reason that I was so disappointed when one day I picked my little darling up and got her in the Jeep and drove about a block away to look back with a grin on my face and pop the BIG question to her, "hey baby, you ready to have some fun?" and find her completely asleep! I was irate!
I was completely irritated at the fact that Ava's mother could have given her a nap before I picked her up, so that when I got her she was ready for a ton of fun with her daddy! I was beside myself! I didn't know what to think or say! I wanted to call and just yell, but I didn't, because that wouldn't be good for Ava. So, I just drove around. I would occasionally look back hoping to find her grinning back at me in great expectation of something fun, but that didn't happen. The entire time that I was allotted was spent in the presence of a sleeping child. So, when my time was up, I simply took her back to her mother and said, "well, she should be ready to play when she gets home, because she had a great nap." There wasn't any yelling or rude comments, and Ava's mommy even apologized for not putting her down, but there was still this feeling of sadness. I hopped into my Jeep and drove back home.
On my drive back home I started talking to God and asking him if I was justified in my feelings but didn't quite get the response I was wanting. All I heard (not audibly, but in a still place in my heart) was, "you were in her presence weren't you?" I tossed and turned on that one for a while, until I realized... this time isn't about me... its about Ava! All I wanted to really do is be in my daughters presence. I felt an urge of satisfaction! I have forgotten exactly when this day was, but things have been different ever since.
No matter what we do, I find complete satisfaction just being in her presence. Tonight, I picked my daughter up and we went to the park and then she slept for about 2 hours and then I took her to McDonald's to eat and then watched her play in the playground... Total satisfaction! I love just being in her presence! I don't care if she sleeps the entire time, if she plays with friends, if she reads books in the library, if she plays in a playground or runs around a park, I just want to be in her presence, because she is my daughter and I can't get enough of her.
I remembered this story on my drive home tonight and wanted to share it with whomever would read it, because I wanted to share a simple truth... Jesus doesn't care what you do all day long, he just wants to be in your presence! He wants to hear your voice and let you hear his! He wants to touch you and be touched by you! He wants to abide in you and allow you to abide in him! He cannot get enough of you! He is completely in love with you!
We seem to make this whole relationship with Jesus a lot more complicated than it has to be, don't we? We make it about religion and religious things... what type of music do we sing to him with, do we partake of the Lord's supper weekly or yearly, does our church have pews or chairs, do we overindulge in food or alcohol (LOL)? But seriously, we sometimes get so caught up in the semantics and forget that Jesus just wants to be in our presence and he gave himself so that he could be. You see, we are sinful beings and we cannot be in the presence of perfection with one spot of sin, but because Jesus wanted to be around us so badly, he died on the cross and supernaturally resurrected from the dead. This might be hard to grasp, but WE are just that important to HIM!
He doesn't wake up to a feeling of great anticipation to be in our presence... he has it all the time!
