There have been a handful of times in my life when I've been stopped in my tracks and just thought, "wow, that is the most beautiful ______ I've ever seen!" Have you ever been there?The first time this happened to me was years past the turmoil of my life (middle/high school) while I was attending New Mexico State University. It was during the fall months when I was returning from a weekend at my parent's house, in Albuquerque, that I turned off the interstate onto Main street, heading to my dorm room, when I looked up and froze! I quickly pulled my car to the side of the road and got out, because this was the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen. I was struck with a feeling I hadn't quite encountered before. I was in awe and couldn't quite think of a word to express the feeling that I had in my whole being at that moment. It has been years since that moment and I can still remember the beauty of that sky. The clouds were rolled out like a fan and almost every possible color you can think of was displayed; there was orange, orange red, blue, purple, yellow, pink, red and dark blue. The beauty stopped me!
Another time that I remember being blown away by beauty wasn't the visual aspect of beauty, but rather the experiential. It was March 10, 2006 and I was holding one of the ugliest little creatures I had ever seen. I was staring at my just born child, Ava, who had a cone shaped head and was purple with goopy stuff resembling hair. Even though she didn't look like the babies on television or movies when they are just born I was caught up in the most beautiful moment I had ever experienced. I was holding a miracle! I was now responsible for someone other than myself, which, in my humble opinion is one of the most beautiful challenges known to man. I was now a father! The beauty stopped me!
Another time I remember this happening to me was while I was on the clock! I was walking the hallways of Brownsburg East Middle School when I almost snapped my neck from whiplash! I totally forgot what I was doing when I saw this beautiful assistant leading a few students to do an in-school job. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my 32 years on this earth and I had to meet her. I took the step to get to know her and within a month we were sharing one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I sat in Starbucks and was blown away at this woman that sat across from me. Julie Rhoads Gurule was/is the most beautiful person I have ever spent quality time with and that day I knew I had to spend the rest of my life with her. The beauty stopped me!
These experiences were amazing, but the sad truth that followed those moments was, they were in fact, a moment. This doesn't change the beauty of the clouds, or of birth or of meeting my wife, but the moment ends and the beauty is now up to the eye of the beholder. I had the choice to then look at each day after seeing the beauty of not just that one sunset, but all sunsets, because they are all beautiful. It was up to me to allow the experience and responsibility of fatherhood to be one that is beautiful. And it is totally up to me to treat Julie like the most beautiful person I have ever met.
I hate to admit this, but I didn't look at every sunset as equally beautiful, I haven't treated fatherhood as the greatest responsibility either, nor have I made Julie feel like the most beautiful person that she is. I have forgotten to stop for a moment and see the beauty of the sun leaving the day and I have forgotten to hold the beauty of fatherhood to one of the utmost of my responsibilities. I have also forgotten to love Julie in the same beautiful loving way that Jesus loves The Church, because I've been too preoccupied with trying to focus and enjoy the ugliness of Self.
It's time to remember it again!
