"danny"... "Danny"... "Danny!"... "DANIEL!!"... "DANIEIL ROBERT GURULE!!!!!"
With a sudden and rather urgent turn of my head I see my wife standing there with an agitated look on her face.
"Danny (Note: my name is Daniel, but those closest to me can call me Dan, Danny or Daniel and only two people can use my whole name all together in the tone indicated above... my wife and my mother) I've been calling you for a couple minutes. What are you thinking about babe?"
Julie's words jogged me out of what could have been categorized as navel-gazing, "Wow, I am so sorry Jules (Note: only those closest to her get to call her this... hee hee hee). I was in deep deep thought."
"Ya, that's pretty obvious. What were you thinking about?"
"Oh, just how most of the life-changing things that have happened to me can be considered bittersweet."
I looked up the word bittersweet on wiktionary and a dictionary and found that the word actually means (adj) 1: both bitter and sweet 2: expressing contrasting emotions of pain (or regret) and pleasure (n) 1: a climbing or trailing plant, Solanum Dulcamara, having small, violet, star-shaped flowers with a protruding yellow center and scarlet berries 2: any climbing plant of the genus Celastrus, bearing orange capsules opening to expose red-coated seeds 3: A poisonous climbing or trailing plant (Solanum dulcamara) native to Eurasia and a widespread weed in North America, having violet flowers with recurved corolla lobes and red berries. Also called bittersweet, deadly nightshade
Bittersweet is defined as both bitter and sweet so, in my humble opinion, an experience that holds both bitter/regretful /painful feelings and also sweet/good/joyful feelings can be bittersweet experience/moment in one's life.
After much contemplation I have thought of several moments in my life that can be considered bittersweet moments; moments that were terribly bitter (full of regret and pain) and yet ended up having really good outcomes. How was this possible? What made these moments, per se, bittersweet?
I remember that heart crushing 4 o'clock moment that came after a long week of brand new classes at New Mexico State University. I found myself coming home to relax and escape the best way I knew how, by playing Age of Empires 2. I played for several hours and slowly found my eyes not being able to keep up with my will, so I had to call it a night. I fell asleep pretty quick, but what seemed to be just a few moments later, was woken up by a knock at my door. My roommate told me that my dad was on the phone. He handed me the phone and then left the room.
"hello"
"Hey son, I need you to sit down. Son, your brother was found dead tonight..."
The monologue continued but my life seemed to be on pause for some time. I then remember hanging up and throwing myself to the ground with loud weeping. Not crying, but weeping! My best friend, and roommate at the time, came in and asked if he could do anything, but I don't think he ever got an answer. Almost everything but the pain seems blurry and there you find the bitter. It seems a little odd that I would actually view this as a bittersweet moment, because death is rarely defined as sweet. But at my brother's funeral many people heard the story of Jesus' saving grace and went on to make decisions to be followers of the Way. My family and other families grew closer together and a lot of people have grown personally, spiritually and emotionally, because of that bittersweet moment.
Then there have been the many bitter moments of friends lost, because of foolish things I've done or because life just took us separate ways. But after the sting and hurt fades I find sweet dependence on Jesus as my True Friend. I also find myself making new friends and building existing friendships even stronger. It is one of those bittersweet moments most people go through.
Again, this is my opinion and my opinion alone, but I feel that the "bad" moments that affect us a little and/or greatly are all bittersweet. They can be bitter alone, but they can also be sweet; it is what we do in those moments that decide. The 3rd definition of bittersweet, as a noun, is that of a poisonous plant and if we only become bitter and angry and resentful and stay there then the moment, trial, struggle, relationship or whatever it is, will only be bitter and poisonous and we will eventually die a bitter person! Who we are as a person will die to anything good and nothing sweet will penetrate our lives. There will be people who will try to bless us or situations that are positive will happen to us, but because bitterness has poisoned our hearts there will be nothing sweet about it. Until we find the sweet from the bitter can we free ourselves past the death and into life! And only with Jesus' help can we find such healing power.
Have you found yourself struggling to make a bitter moment sweet?
I find myself at this point... very very bitter!
